You're Allowed to Not Know

My time here on the sunny island of Cyprus is coming to a close fairly soon.

This has been the longest time that I’ve spent in any one location over the past year while nomading. So, understandably I’m having some feelings about it.

If you told me one year ago that I would be living in Cyprus, I probably would have responded with “wait– where?!”

That’s the exciting (and terrifying) thing about this lifestyle. You have no idea what’s next, or what you’ll learn, or who you’ll meet, or about anything next in general. 

I just allow myself to notice where my curiosity and joy lead me ever so subtly. And if it aligns with the practical, well, then I book my ticket and begin packing. 

But sometimes, like in this current moment, I don't know what's next beyond a couple of weeks from now. 

I do know that my time here in Cyprus is coming to an end.

I also know that I’ll be heading back to the US by September to attend a Breathwork Facilitator training at the Omega Institute, as well as picking up my 17 year old Norwegian Forest Cat, Luke, to begin traveling with him.

But beyond attending the workshop and picking up my fur baby, I have no idea where I’ll go past September.

I could stay in the Hudson Valley in NY. 

I could boomerang back to Europe and bring Luke with me to Spain or Portugal. 

I could head out West, where I have friends in LA or try my luck in Oregon. 

All of these options seem viable in different ways, but not a single one stands out more than the other. 

In fact, everytime I pull cards on it I get ambiguous answers.

So, what does one do when they don't know?

Well, first, I think it's important to realize that you’re allowed to not know. 

Let me repeat that: it’s okay to not know.

If you don’t know, it's likely because your energy and attention are being asked to focus elsewhere. And it may be something you have been avoiding or resisting. Get curious about where your energy is being called to focus on.

Second, it’s not that you don't know. It’s that you don't know — yet.

Sometimes certain things need to occur or pass before clarity can come home within us. 

In the meantime, there is A LOT of magic in that holy space of “I don't know yet!”

This is the place where our ego gets burned away to reveal our core essential selves. 

And sometimes we’re just not in the right place to make that decision yet.

Recently, it took me a while to accept that I wasn't going to receive an answer on where I should go next past September. 

The more I leaned in trying to answer that question, the more a small voice kept telling me, “Right now, you're in Europe– so be in Europe! The time will come for you to revisit this question, but it will be when you're back in the states. Just one step at a time.”

‘Ain't it a bitch when things don't go according to your timeline? LOL

It’s become very clear that the next month for myself will be about wrapping up my time here in Cyprus, as well as closing out this chapter of my life of the past 10 months here in Europe. As much as I’d like to map out my upcoming plans for the Fall, which would give me some relief and direction during a very unknown time in my life, I know that it is not a decision to be making at this time. 

And I also know, most importantly— I’ll be okay. 

Sometimes we just need to trust where our feet will take us naturally without thinking or planning. Looking back, my choice to come to Cyprus was not thought out or calculated whatsoever. What started as an impulsive temporary decision became a wonderful long term experience. 

So, the next time you find yourself struggling between decisions or not knowing the way ahead, please know:

You’re allowed to not know. 

It’s not that you don't know, it’s that you don't know — yet.

Practice being in this holy place of “I don't know yet.”

Weekly Tarot Pull: May 23rd, 2022

Tarot Pull for the Week Ahead: May 23rd, 2022

Death XIII

Shake it off.

You’re ready to shake off the dust from this past winter. 

There’s a process that you’ve been in since the middle of October 2021 and it has come to completion and ended this past week during the lunar eclipse. This period feels akin to the ending of a war, but the battlefield is still smoking. It is now the calm after the storm.

Think about what your intentions and goals were this past Fall. What you were hoping, wishing, striving towards, or even struggling with? 

Those things have been resolved, maybe not necessarily resolved in the sense of completion, but resolved in that what you thought you were struggling with turned out to be something else entirely, and now you have that very important clarifying information to tackle it moving forward.

Essentially, the lessons of this past winter and spring– they’re done. Whether you feel it or not, they’re complete.

This week’s intention is about focusing on moving forward. You can look back, but don't linger. It’s time to acknowledge you’ve changed and move on.

Make the hallway holy.

Ever heard the phrase, “When one door closes, another one opens, but it’s hell in the hallway?” When you close a chapter there can be a period of uncomfortability as you sit in the emptiness and stillness of that which you just cultivated.

You’ve completed a process and the door behind you has closed, but the doors in front of you are not yet open.

It’s hard to not feel anxious and frustrated when the path ahead isn't clear. We have a tendency to associate the unknown and the in-between as a hellish experience.

But what if you turned it holy? Dance or sing in that hallway of the unknown. Build an altar there or paint the walls!

The beauty of this moment is that you have choices, and you don’t have to choose yet.

And maybe there isn’t a door. It’s all a threshold.
Essentially, you don't need to know your next step or answer. Allow this to be a time of playfulness and experimentation. It’s time to test out the strength that you’ve cultivated over the past 8 months and put your feet to the test on this new ground.

Tips & Takeaways:

• You can look back on the lessons and experiences of the past 7-8 months, but don't linger. The energy of the moment is looking forward.

• Work on staying present and in your body this week by taking up a physical practice. This could be hitting the gym, doing 15 minutes of Youtube yoga, or even just going out for a good brisk 25-30 minute walk. Aim for at least 3-4 days this week.

  Why? You want you to stay present within yourself and there’s some uncomfortability you're experiencing, so it’s easy to check out. 

• This is your sign to go to that weekly meetup or monthly social gathering that you’ve been thinking about but putting off. While you're in transition it’s easy to isolate yourself into a mental torturestorm. So, let's not do that, OK? This is a perfect time to expand your social circle and make new friends in community environments. I’m going to heavily emphasize the word community here, because it is less about connecting with a new individual and more about joining the ride with a group that has momentum to take you out of your head. We all need community right now and to feel like we’re not alone.

• Make the hallway holy. This period is about playfulness & experimentation. Put down your perfectionism, get creative and have fun. 

  PS: People do NOT care about perfect. FUN over perfection!